Parents...

These mistakes can lead to such thoughts and proclamations as;
Why did I bloody bring up that last incident that wasn’t their fault?
I should not have told her that she is a bitch of a child.
What do I do now, I have told them to do as I say or get out?
That was really mean to tell him that he is stupid for making that choice.
I don’t know why every time I try to tell him something he gets so angry and just flies of the handle
Well the deserve being grounded they should do as I say, its my way or the highway
Go whats next bloody wanting their friends to stay over everynight and expecting me to parent them as well, its not on, next thing you know they will be having parties here every night, the police will be called, our address will know for wild parties and what will the neighbours think, oh my god.

Mistake 1. Lose sight of the present issue
We get angry and then our emotions kick in and we get defensive or we attack, we bring to our aid anything that will help us win, so we bring up issue that are not relevant or not necessary. Our emotions cloud our judgement. How great would it be to turn this around, to be able to stick to the facts, the issue at hand and not fight dirty? Well you can by choosing to stay calm. How? By finding what triggers your anger? How do you know that you are feeling angry? Awareness is the first step, acknowledging that you are anger and asking for a time out could be so beneficial, yep the issue may not be resolved but you can think clearly about it when you have calmed down, sometimes picking a word helps then everyone knows it time out.
. So you child wants to go out with their friends, it’s a school night and we say no, straight up, no negotiation or discussion. Would you treat someone at work like that? Would you talk to your partner like that? We treat our kids like adults when it suits us don’t we, but should we be giving them the environment to learn things like negotiation, you know ok so you want to go out, my concern is that is a school night. Wouldn’t that go down better than no bloody way it’s a school night not happening? Try it next time they ask for something that you feel is outside your comfort zone, try talking to them and reasoning, not dictating. Really they are still learning the world, so treat them with respect, the same respect that you would like to be treated with, doesn’t that make sense, image a big L plate on their forehead if you have too. It might even make you laugh in a tough situation would that be a funny thing.

Mistake 2. Say things that they regret
What would like be like without regrets, you get angry, frustrated sad scared, so we lash out leaving a great trail of carnage. Bloody hell you say to yourself why did I do that, I didn’t mean it, I was feeling angry? Ok so its ok cause you apologised right? Wrong, what you say to your children is like building blocks and a negative and a positive do not neutralise each other out they are accumulative, if anything this ying and yang confuses kids.

2. Do you talk about your children to people? In public? In front of your children? Are you your child’s best advocate? Is there something wrong with your child? Don’t you like them? Hey if you don’t like them why would they like themselves? Why would anyone else in the world like them if their own parents don’t? I can assure you that this is something that actually goes through the minds of children. I am by no means saying don’t communicate your concerns. But voicing your concerns and whinging are two different things, “stop the bitching in the corner” as the great Wayne Bennett says and either do something about it or live with it.
3. When you talk to your child do you get angry? Cause really they can make you so mad, they are defiant and bold and brash little buggers. How do they react to your anger? Do you get angry with other people, or just your children? Do your children get angry? How do they react? Does it remind you of someone? What happens if you change the rules and stay calm and talk to them with respect? What would happen if you asked them questions instead of told them how it was going to be? What would happen if you asked them what they want?
5. When was the last time you spent time one on one with your child? Be it shopping, roller blading in the park, walking the dog? We life such busy lives that sometimes we forget that our children are just children, yer they might dress and talk like they are all grown up, but your time can mean the world to them, try it don’t take no for answer, remember you’re the grown up in the situation, it is not optional, give them some say in what you do but in the end if they don’t cooperate but do try to choose something that will be fun for both of you. Now make it a common occurance and make sure you commit to it as well, remember even if you child doesn’t want to go they will hold it against you if you pull out or make something else a priorty

 
So you child wants to go out with their friends, it’s a school night and we say no, straight up, no negotiation or discussion. Would you treat someone at work like that? Would you talk to your partner like that? We treat our kids like adults when it suits us don’t we, but should we be giving them the environment to learn things like negotiation, you know ok so you want to go out, my concern is that is a school night. Wouldn’t that go down better than no bloody way it’s a school night not happening? Try it next time they ask for something that you feel is outside your comfort zone, try talking to them and reasoning, not dictating. Really they are still learning the world, so treat them with respect, the same respect that you would like to be treated with, doesn’t that make sense, image a big L plate on their forehead if you have too. It might even make you laugh in a tough situation would that be a funny thing.

2. Do you talk about your children to people? In public? In front of your children? Are you your child’s best advocate? Is there something wrong with your child? Don’t you like them? Hey if you don’t like them why would they like themselves? Why would anyone else in the world like them if their own parents don’t? I can assure you that this is something that actually goes through the minds of children. I am by no means saying don’t communicate your concerns. But voicing your concerns and whinging are two different things, “stop the bitching in the corner” as the great Wayne Bennett says and either do something about it or live with it.
3. When you talk to your child do you get angry? Cause really they can make you so mad, they are defiant and bold and brash little buggers. How do they react to your anger? Do you get angry with other people, or just your children? Do your children get angry? How do they react? Does it remind you of someone? What happens if you change the rules and stay calm and talk to them with respect? What would happen if you asked them questions instead of told them how it was going to be? What would happen if you asked them what they want?
5. When was the last time you spent time one on one with your child? Be it shopping, roller blading in the park, walking the dog? We life such busy lives that sometimes we forget that our children are just children, yer they might dress and talk like they are all grown up, but your time can mean the world to them, try it don’t take no for answer, remember you’re the grown up in the situation, it is not optional, give them some say in what you do but in the end if they don’t cooperate but do try to choose something that will be fun for both of you. Now make it a common occurance and make sure you commit to it as well, remember even if you child doesn’t want to go they will hold it against you if you pull out or make something else a priorty

Vivid Coaching
deb@vividcoaching.com.au
0438 210 470
Skype - debtaber
Australia